Dont forget your passion...

I watched this video, and not only did it make me say OH SHIT, and dayum, but it amped up my adrenaline just watching it, and almost brought me to tears. Envy? idk... but my adrenaline was up and I could feel every jump, the pit of your stomach feeling when they crashed to the ground, the anxiety riding up to that 7 footer... I just wanna do it... If something moves you like this... you just know... it is your passion. As I'm sitting here at my computer blogging, i'm wishing I had money to put gas in my truck to drive to a stable to pay someone to let me ride their horse for a small amount of time. Ten minutes? half an hour? and hour? PLEASE. I'm tired of begging people to let me ride their horses... paying people to ride. I wish I had that extra 5 grand for the horse and then the extra 10grand a year to keep it.
All the hype right now is about the mega millions, its up higher than its ever been before, and people are dying to buy in. Lottery tickets are more priceless than gold right now. Everyone wants to know- what would you do with the money??
Being that greed is one of the seven deadly sins, I need to state that I was always a supporter of playing when the pot was lower... I'd say to my boyfriend, don't be greedy, $120 million is more than enough. What would you do with it?? What would I do with it??
Here's the breakdown of what I'd do... don't quote me on the order tho.
1. Pay off my parents house
Simple, to the point. My parents gave me everything I ever needed and most of what I wanted while growing up, plus love and support. Yeah, we don't see eye to eye and yeah, I don't live there anymore.... but I call it my 'home' still. And in todays economy, its scary. They are budgeting themselves hardcore, dads laid off every 2 weeks(thank God the union doesn't let him stay laid off for long...)... how about a little peace of mind for them? Yes please
2. Pay off my student loans
I graduated college with $102K in federal and personal student loans.  I've got it down to about $92k in 3 years. I would love to not have that debt hanging over my head for the next ten years. Just saying. I use that as an excuse as to why I didn't continue school. why pile on the debt??
3. Pay off my truck
Another large sum hanging over my head. Just saying.
4. Buy my dad any truck he wants
I'd say I'll just get him a brand new truck, but I know my daddy- he's only had 1 brand new truck in his life and it took him a year to pick out and find the exact one he wanted. Although if I was buying it would prob take less time cuz he would have to haggle people and $$ isn't a matter so he could ship it. But I'd leave it up to him. His 99 GMC Sonoma that he just rebuilt the engine using his own two hands still runs rough. For my daddy who helped me find all of my vehicles and keep them running, he can have whatever one he wants. (Sorry mom, you have an 07 jeep that runs just fine. After daddy gets a more reliable car we will talk about your upgrade, lol!)
5. Can't forget my boyfriend : ) pay off his car and his student loans. 
Clean slate for us financially : )
6. Pay off my sisters college debts
They are bright and beautiful and theyre my sisters, they shouldnt be burdened with more debt than I had(their schools are more expensive, especially because they attended in years after my when the tuition rates jumped AGAIN)
7. I'd find the horse(or horses) for me.
More like 7 and 8 and 9... cuz then id hafta to figure out where to keep them. Buy my own property? Board them somewhere? Owning animals becomes a heavy financial commitment. But once I have them and their equipment, I'd never feel the way I feel now when I cannot follow my passion and feel it and hold it in my hands and heart... a nicker, the warm breath against your skin, the reins chaffing your hands as theyre yanked by your mount.... weightlessness---being airborne over a jump--- YES. I would live my dreams after paying off my debts. I could pay my way through vet school, or jockey school, train my own thoroughbreds, buy show jumpers and be trained to ride grand prix. I could do it all. I could Live my dream...
10. I'd have my dream wedding
On the beach, horses, look like a princess, hundreds of guests, party all day and all night... I'd do it. And honey moon it, of course : )
11. I'd find a few charities that needed some help.
My church. Food pantry donations- I'd have all day to go food shopping for the less needy! That would be so fun! I'd go clothes shopping and donate clothes that have never been worn and that are stylish NOW. No more last years styles for the needy. Alls they need is a pick me up to help them get on their feet and on their way. I donate to a few animal shelters. hell, every one I came across! Cancer foundation... my grandpa would have his own wing in his memory... and maybe others wouldn't meet the same end.
 I think that's fair enough. I could add to it... and if I win I will. If I win I will document every little thing that I spend that winnings on. That'll be a helluva blog!!

Hello world, are you out there??

Today, I think I'll focus on my relationships in life.
... with my boyfriend
We have been fighting so much lately. I assume that my depression of being jobless and near broke and having to depend on him to support me financially and emotionally has a lot to do with it. I resent him, I resent myself. My only goal in life is to become financially independent. Pay my half of rent, pay for my truck, pay my student loans and credit card debt and cell phone bill and utilities, and oh yeah- pay for every little extra thing I need or want in my life. The past month and a half has been about personal sacrifice for me.
       But there I go again- saying ME. This is a relationship, between two things...two people.
Personal sacrifices: we have to find activities that are more reasonably priced. No $100 a night restaurant bills, no high class bars/clubs in the city, no shopping sprees, and even budgeting ourselves on the dog we are looking to get. $1200 dog, no bueno. $800, more doable. No his and hers matching motorcycles. No vacation. No bigger tv. I guess in the real world, these are all wants, not necessities. So, lets be real, and not selfish.
Reasonably priced activities are not hard to find. We Groupon... what a great idea. Kudos to the person who thought of that! We enjoy hiking, long walks, simple things like walking to the convenience store to get our lottery tickets. Walking the streets of Hoboken and the waterfront on St. Pattys day instead of going all the way into NYC(which was a mad house of wanna be drunken leprechauns). We don't go out to bars Fridays and Saturdays unless invited by groups of people. We wash and detail our own cars, do our own oil changes (all weather permitting).
But at the same time, I want to do the things that cost money. I want to go to the posh clubs in the city, dance to the orgasm inducing bass pumping forth from 'renowned' DJs while wearing impossibly high heels that kill my feet and back and too much make up. I want to have his and hers bikes to take out on gorgeous days. I want to have jet skis to trailer to the shore for the weekend. But above all, I want a job. Obviously the burdens from my financial status affect our financials as a whole. And in turn it pisses me off to have to sit home on the weekends instead of enjoying fun and exciting things. So, open for discussion: what are a few more low cost activities for a couple who enjoy trying new and exciting things??
To help my strained relationship, I borrowed a book from my sister...the Man Whisperer. It gives you ideas of how to approach your man without nagging to get him to do what you want and as a whole make you both happier. Mission 1... our 3 year anniversary is this week. I would like to go to a nice restaurant or something. 3 years is a big deal. Its years... not months or something trivial... Years. Some marriages don't even last this long. I think it needs to be celebrated as if it were a big deal. The book gave a suggestion. Identify your problem or demand... I want to go out to dinner to a nice place. Then find an unobtrusive way-act like your not demanding anything, just make a statement or observation- to bring it up. The example in the book to resolve this same problem was the woman says to her spouse "I was thinking, I haven't worn that sexy black dress you like in a while. You know, the backless one that drops down to here?" So I paralleled by mentioned to my boyfriend that I have 2 very nice dresses that he's never seen me wear. In the book, the guy becomes intrigued by the mental image the woman created. She goes on and says she was hoping that maybe this week she'd get a chance to wear it for him. He thinks about it and by the end of the week makes plans at a nice restaurant. In real life, my boyfriend replies with "holding out on me?" and then changes the subject. I say "I would never, you know I love to dress up for you. I just realized I have two dresses you've never seen me wear, that's all. one still has the price tag on it! lol, I know how mad you feel about clothes with price tags still on them!" Now the book says to sit back and let him think about it. He changed the subject, started talking about how sad he is that Jersey Shore is over, so I said "oh man, no jersey shore this week, what are we going to do with our thursday nght???" (THURSDAY IS OUR ANNIVERSARY!!!!!) and he replied : NO JERSEY SHORE?! sigh, so sad. That's all. Now I'm not supposed to make a demand, or control the situation by giving any more specifications or by going over his head and planning something for us that he feels obligated to do. I'm supposed to zip it and wait til he does it on his own. Based on his reactions I'm pretty sure there's nothing to wait for. Maybe he'll surprise me?? Thoughts? Comments??


Side note::
Relationship with my body.... I'm very mad at my body right now, and actually its my own fault.
I did so well since August of 2011 in losing weight, I dropped over 20lbs... we will say 23 to be safe : ) The number sounds great, the results weren't bad. Why am I mad? 20 something pounds included 2 cup sizes and a waist/ass reduction from size 11 to size 5. Waist reduction I can live with, ass and boobs? COME ON! I now have the chest of a 14 year old boy... : ( I once got hit on at a bar by a group of guys that called me PT... they did this for weeks before I walked up to them to inquire about their staring. PT stood for Perfect Tits. That no longer applies. I look down my front and I see my belly. A belly that after a 20 something pound loss should be flat... but isn't. Stage 2 of anger at my body- I lost 20 something pounds but I still have a bulge of belly fat. I think that belly had a lot to do with stress levels... so I took fish oil daily(almost) to try to eleviate that, I even had my boyfriend be my personal trainer and force me to do ab work outs. No good. Slimmed down, but I still looked 4 months pregnant...AWKWARD!! And now, due to lack of work, depression, and boredom... I have gained back 7lbs... and it shows. So what now? without money to go to the gym and zumba/kickboxing classes... how am I to drop off those 7 regained pounds? I think I need to bring home my old bike from my parents house and start getting reacquainted. But I'm also open to suggestions. Walks 2 nights a week are not helping me much. 

so done...with, like, everything?

So I quit my job a few weeks back. Since then I have been valiantly looking for a new job. I apply to jobs that I don't even think I'm qualified for just in case someone sees something in my like my old employer once did... but no.
                     NOTHING.
I am either under-qualified or over qualified or overlooked because I have a different major.
I was even thinking that, even though I haven't gone on any interviews, maybe if I took all my piercings out it would up my chances or getting a job.
Almost a whole month of not working, and between being cooped up at home all day everyday and sending 20 to 30 resumes a day, sifting thru bs resumes to find good ones that I could work with and then having them turn out to be fakes anyway...its disheartening.
I know I always said that people who worked the jobs they turn their noses up at... McDonalds, Wendys, Walmart... could save the economy... I pay $1000 a month in student loans and can't find a job? What did I go to school for????
I could have no student loan debt and work at Walmart, probably be a manager by now. But instead I'm ROCK BOTTOM.
And to make matters worse, I have way more bills than just student loans. List? sure:
Car payment
Rent
Cable/electric
Car insurance
Cell phone
Credit card
AES
CitiLoan
Life Insurance(in case something happens to me and my parents are forced to pay off the balance of my student loans)
                        Facts of LIFE: EVERYTHING COSTS MONEY
Shitty realizations: anyone can screw you when it comes to money, you cannot survive in a small apartment staying home twiddling your thumbs all day everyday, there is only so many times a week you can clean the apartment and feel like you've accomplished something, even people you think are supporting you and helping you out have their doubts about you. F M L

it amazes me how a)dumb and b)closed minded some people can be...

So my boyfriend is searching the web and he says to me, "hey a Chinese carmaker copied the Ford F150! They must really like Ford". see article: http://www.autoblog.com/2012/01/31/chinese-carmaker-blatantly-copies-ford-f-150/?ncid=txtlnkwbauto00000002
I took one look at the pic he was refering to and was like "that's NOT an F150"
          He's like "yeah it is look at that grill..."
                   *hit forhead with palm*

Here's the pic of the truck he is referring to. At first look, you'd think he's right. Well, at first look by a non truck enthusiast. Yeah the Grill is Ford with JAG written in the circle...Or is it? Here's the truck they think it resembles.... Similar, but not spot on. Like I said, maybe the grills make them look alike??

Upon my first look of the truck, I said "Nope that's a 2011 or 2012 Chevy Avalanche design." If you look down the side of the truck it has the plastic triangle structure that follows through down the bed of the truck-that resemble the back of an avalanche.

In fact, I'm pretty sure its exactly the same as this Chevy avalanche...
It doesn't help that the Americans who found the pic of the Chinc design blurred out the back of the truck...but put them side to side and you'll see... Sorry I can't make them bigger.


 See my boyfriend thought I was just saying it cuz I like Chevy's best <3 but in reality besides the circle in the grill and the extended forward front bumper under the grill, that Japanese truck didn't say Ford to me at all. If you look at the truck as a whole, it is definitely the body of an avalanche but they replace the more edgy grill with a flat box-like one more common to the ford front end. All in all, the Chinese carmakers copied a completely American design.

 Didn't know I was a truck nerd? : ) It's true! I had a 96 2wd Ford Ranger extended cab before I bought my 2008 Chevy Colorado LT Crewcab Z71 4X4 in Inferno Orange... in fact, this is more my style avalanche lol!! ------->
I LOVE TRUCKS <3